Eric Cartman's Supply Teacher
by ChloboShoka
Summary: Brock will do anything for Principle Victoria's hand. Eric is not impressed.


**Eric Cartman's Supply Teacher**

Brock didn't have any teaching qualifications. The main reason he took the job as a teacher for South Park Elementary school was because the headmistress was desperate for staff following the mental breakdown of Mr Garrison and nearly all the staff. In fact, Mr Mackey felt like he was the only member of staff for the whole building. The janitor decided to give up the American dream to smoke weed in Amsterdam.

Principle Victoria had hired several temporary staff from many corners of the globe. She was determined to keep the only running school in her area open. Brock had added her on Facebook in search of an older woman. One with more wisdom, maturity and experience. He thought Principle Victoria could be the one.

When he saw her Facebook pot asking for staff, he saw it as the chance of a lifetime. Misty and Ash were strongly against the idea, but he ignored their advice. He got the job the minute he knocked on Principle Victoria's door. He wanted to know so much more about her, and wished that he could get her full name. After all, he would be asking her hand in marriage one day.

Today was his first class. He had sex for breakfast. His hair was as scruffy and he was late for his own class, but he felt prepared: this was a trial of love.

"Good morning class!" Brock roared with his arms in the air. He wanted to give colour to the worn-out green room.

He was amazed at the young faces with vacant expressions. Their eyes so big but so empty. They looked as though they had been brainwashed.

"Who are you?" asked the boy in the green hat.

"I'm your new teacher, Mr Harrison. But please call me Brock."

"Oh," the boy said. "Well I'm Kyle."

"And his mom is a big fat bitch," the obese boy next to him yelled out.

"Nothing wrong with a big beautiful woman," Brock laughed. "I'm sure she's wonderful in that department.

"Ew!" Kyle spat out. "Now look what you've started Eric."

"Don't you think he's happy?" Style whispered to the class.

"Yeah, he's happy cause he got laid," Eric said.

"Who, to your mom?" Kyle asked.

Eric gritted his teeth as his hands reached Kyle's throat. "DON'T TALK ABOUT MY MOM LIKE THAT!"

Brock intervened between the two boys before any blood could be spilt. "Oh, you're Eric Cartman."

"The one and only."

"Yes your mother looked after me very well," Brock said soothingly. He didn't need to mention the details as he was scared of breaking Principle Victoria's heart.

"Yeah me too!" Kenny muffled.

"So today," Brock announced, doing hid best to get back into business. "We are going to learn about... _love_."

"Mr. Brock," Stan called out, raising his hand. "Mr. Garrison said we were going to learn about Donald Trump."

"Mr. Garrison isn't here is he?" Brock said with the chalk in his hand as he wrote the word love surrounded by hearts. He twirled around and faced the class. "So hands up if you've had your first kiss."

They all raised their hands.

"Okay," Brock was getting jealous of his class already. "Hands up if you've done things beyond a kiss."

Only Butters, who was sitting behind Eric put his hands down. Eric then poked Butters and told him to put his hand up which he did.

"Right," Brock groaned. "Hands up if you've gone all the way."

Their hands were still up. Brock was confident that the majority of them were lying. He would be scared if they actually were telling the truth.

"I think we can go straight to the advanced levels."

"Can I ask you a question Mr. Brock?" Eric asked.

"Certainly."

"Where you a virgin before you left your country?"

"...not quite."

"What do you mean not quite?"

"I've had many girls," Brock lied.

"Really?" Eric didn't seem convinced.

"Yes," Brock said with a nod. "Including many nurses and officers."

"What about guys?" Butters asked.

"Don't be disgusting," Brock snapped. "Nothing wrong with it, it's just not for me."

"Are you homophobic sir?" Eric asked.

"No."

"Then why say it's gross."

"I never said that."

"I bet you're a virgin," Eric said, pointing at him. "You couldn't get laid, so you got this job to get laid."

"OUTSIDE AT ONCE!" Brock shouted. He helt his skin was on fire. Eric took the walk of shame and slammed the door. "You can't come back until you apologise."

When Eric opened the door, he gazed up upon Brock. In a sickly sweet tone he announced, "I'm sorry – I just don't want a black pervert as my stepfather."

"Go to the principle's office at once!"

Eric stuck his tongue out. "Screw you, I'm going home."

The door closed. The door opened again. Eric pulled down his trousers and spanked in bottom for all to see. "By the way, Brock, you can suck my balls and kiss my ass. Before Brock could open his mouth, the door slammed shut. His motivation to carry on with the class had truly gone down the train. But he knew he had to carry on. He slapped his forehead as he jumped in the teacher's chair.

"The things I do for love."


End file.
